How To Ask Someone To Be Friends With Benefits

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Sick of dating drama? Find out how to ask for a friends-with-benefits relationship without the hassle.

When it comes to relationships, things can get tricky. Not everyone is ready to put up with all the drama that comes with the territory, so many people go for no-strings-attached kind of relationships. 

However, asking someone to be friends with benefits isn’t totally risk-free, especially if you’ve been friends for a long time. Think about whether you are willing to ruin a solid relationship for short-lived physical fun!

Don’t worry, though – if you really are looking for a friends-with-benefits relationship, you can totally make it happen. We’ve put together this guide to give you the steps to propose such an arrangement in a confident and non-threatening way.

From understanding what FWB entails to tips on how best to bring up the conversation, this guide has your back! So let’s dive right in and explore how to make casual relationships work for both parties involved.

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When to ask?

Being friends with benefits (FWB) is a great way to have fun without commitment. Before taking things to the next level, however, it’s important to ensure you’re both on the same page. And timing here is everything!

Pitching FWB before doing the dirty at least once can be too bold and make for an awkward situation. I mean, would you buy a car without taking it for a spin first? Okay, people are not exactly cars, but you get the point. 

It’s even easier if you already have someone you want to get physical with in mind. The safest route would be to start flirting and do it hard. Show this person how attracted you are to them and if they feel the same, by all means, go ahead.

Otherwise, trying to take things further before it’s happened even once would be like asking someone out on a second date before the first one even happened! 

On the other hand, having sex multiple times doesn’t automatically mean you’re both in agreement about being friends with benefits. Communication is key here to avoid those tough conversations.

How to ask someone to be A friend with benefits?

How To Ask Someone To Be Friends With Benefits 1

It can be difficult to ask someone to be friends with benefits. It takes a special kind of courage and cheekiness to pull it off!

The key is to stay casual, crack a joke about it (without sounding like a bad cliché) and keep your tone light and humorous, yet still prepare yourself for the possibility of a “no.” You don’t want it to feel like an overly serious conversation, so aim for witty and playful when you deploy the infamous “friends with benefits.” 

Another way to score some easy FWB fun is to be open about it with your close circle (especially if the person you want is in your group of friends). Don’t be afraid to throw your “romantic status” (or the lack thereof) in the mix — chances are, you’re not alone! If asked, tell the truth that right now, work is too demanding, so you are only looking for something casual and independent of emotional attachment. 

Who knows – this could spiral into an intriguing conversation between two people who may have more than just friendship on their minds.

And last but not least, FWB dating sites! Online dating platforms make it so easy to score a friend with benefits – all you have to do is take that last bold step and message them. Get creative: an inside joke or “oh, this is crazy, what a coincidence” should get the conversation going, but don’t be too romantic; you are not going for a relationship.

Keep your outings casual unless you want something more serious. And remember, drinks (not dinner) are the norm when you’re just looking for “the benefits.”

Here are a couple of tips on how to keep things casual:

Be straightforward 

If you’re crushing on your buddy but are not ready to commit, why not ask if they’d like a little no-strings-attached “physical activity?” To get the conversation rolling, ask one of these questions: 

  • Are you up for an FWB experience with me?
  • Have we got enough chemistry between us to try this relationship dynamic?
  • I’m open to exploring friends with benefits. You in?

It’s time to see what sparks fly when you take this connection off autopilot.

Give a reason

Keep in mind you are not proposing a coffee date; you are asking for something that involves genitals, so things can easily turn awkward. FWB is still a type of relationship because it entails a repetitive – ahem – action! So what’s your reason for it?

Are things kinda crazy at the office? You don’t feel like sacrificing your freedom for regular sex

As long as you are straightforward about it and set clear boundaries and expectations, you should be good to go! You can then expect your FWB relationship to last for a while.

15 Examples You Can Use to Ask a Guy or A Girl to Be Friends With Benefits Over Text

Examples to Ask a Guy or A Girl to Be Friends With Benefits Over Text
  1. “Want to have some fun without any strings attached? Let’s be FWB.”
  2. “I’ve been thinking about us getting together again, and I think we could have a lot of fun as FWB. What do you say?”
  3. “I’m not looking for anything serious right now, but I would love to explore something casual with you. Want to be FWB?”
  4. “I had a great time with you last night, and I think we have a strong physical connection. Would you be interested in being FWB?”
  5. “I’m really attracted to you, and I think we could have a lot of fun together. Are you open to the idea of being FWB?”
  6. “I’m not looking for a relationship, but I would love to keep seeing you and enjoy each other’s company. How about we be FWB?”
  7. “I know this might be out of the blue, but I’ve been thinking about us hooking up again. Want to be FWB?”
  8. “I’m not looking for anything serious, but I do want to keep seeing you. How about we explore something casual and be FWB?”
  9. “I had a great time with you, and I think we have a strong physical connection. Would you be open to the idea of being FWB?”
  10. “I want to be upfront with you, I’m not looking for a relationship right now, but I would like to keep seeing you and enjoy each other’s company. Would you be open to the idea of being FWB?”
  11. “I know we just met, but I can’t stop thinking about you. Would you be open to the idea of being FWB?”
  12. “I think we have a strong connection, and I would love to explore it in a casual setting. Are you open to the idea of being FWB?”
  13. “I’m not looking for anything serious, but I would love to keep seeing you and enjoy each other’s company. How about we be FWB?”
  14. “I had a great time with you, and I think we have a strong physical connection. Would you be open to the idea of being FWB?”
  15. “I don’t want to put any pressure on anything, but I think we could have a lot of fun together. Want to be FWB?”

Tips for starting a friends-with-benefits situation

How Long Can a Friends With Benefits Relationship Last

An FWB is a great way to enjoy incredible sex without the pressure of an exclusive relationship. However, it can be tricky to navigate, and if not handled correctly, it could lead to hurt feelings, jealousy, or even regret. 

Here are some essential tips for starting a pleasure-sans-commitment relationship:

Pick someone who won’t get too attached

Feelings are the doom of FWBs. Nothing worse than having a hookup buddy that falls in love with you, right?

Well, when looking to start a friends-with-benefits situation, it’s important to find someone who won’t develop strong feelings. Make sure you both have an understanding from the get-go that this relationship will only involve sex, friendship, and nothing more; no date nights, no cuddling, no Netflix, just “chill.”

It may seem cold or unromantic, but it’s essential to be on the same page to avoid any emotional entanglements later on. Boundaries are gold! 

If possible, pick someone outside your social or work circle 

Have you been fantasizing about being friend-with-benefits with a friend or a colleague? Great! Now, think about seeing their face every day if your little “arrangement” doesn’t work out. 

While it might be tempting to pursue something with someone you already know socially or professionally, this could potentially complicate things if the FWB goes south

That’s why it’s better to pick someone outside your social circle – there is less chance of awkward encounters down the line.   

Set rules 

Some friends with benefits have known each other for a long time; others have just met, and something clicked. Regardless of your FWB situation, you want to make sure you lay down some ground rules so things don’t get awkward down the line. 

You are both adults (at least you should be), so sit down and discuss your expectations in this relationship. 

This includes topics such as how often you plan on seeing each other sexually, what types of activities will be involved (if any), whether either party is allowed to see anyone else romantically while still being in the arrangement, and so on.

Setting clear boundaries beforehand helps both partners feel safe, knowing that their needs are being respected and met by the other person.  

Continue to see other people

One of the most common mistakes people make when entering a friends-with-benefits situation is believing that exclusivity should come along with it.

If one person starts developing romantic feelings, it can cause serious tension, especially if those feelings aren’t reciprocated. So, the best thing you can do is remain open when it comes to dating others, even if you’re emotionally invested in your FWB. 

I mean, come on. You scored a wild dating card, so why just wait for a boothy call from your regular hookup buddy? Go, use it with whomever else you want!

Know when to say good-bye

Friends-with-benefits relationships are infamous for being short and fast-burning. But that might actually be a good thing. Some FWB couples soon realize why they have always been “just friends,” and others (usually one of the partners) start developing serious feelings. Now, this is usually when FWBs go haywire. 

You are probably thinking, “What did I do wrong? I thought we both wanted the same thing.” And that might have been the case – at the beginning. But sex can easily play tricks on your mind and heart. 

So knowing how and when to end things gracefully is key, especially if the feelings are one-sided. No matter how hard it may be, you don’t want bad blood between you. 

Are You Ready to hook up with a friend?

Overall, having a successful friends-with-benefits relationship can be incredibly fun, provided both parties play by all these rules, keeping everything honest and transparent.

So even though navigating these kinds of relationships requires extra care, following through with these tips can help ensure everyone involved has a positive overall experience with zero hurt feelings and broken hearts!

Markus is a relationship/dating expert and the editor-in-chief of DatingInspector.com. He first tried online dating in the 90s and now has more than 20 years of dating and relationship experience with women from all over the world. After so many years on the online dating scene, he decided to help other men find casual dates or true love online by sharing his top dating tips.

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